A recent argument with my 16-year-old son ended with him stomping away and shouting, “You don’t think I do anything right!”
That comment really hurt my feelings, because I know that he does so many things right. He is one of the coolest young men that I know. He’s a responsible student that works hard. He’s a great friend to those around him. He is generous with his time and gives what he can back to the community. He asks really thought provoking questions that make people think. He can participate in very high levels of conversation about topics that are relevant to current events and life in general. I just didn’t understand how he could believe that I think he does everything wrong.
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t remember the last time I said something positive to him. Even though I share so many amazing things that he does with so many people in my life, it didn’t even occur to me to compliment him on all of the things I noticed him doing well.
Hiam Ginott, a school teacher and child psychologist, once said, “If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others.” Although I am using this quote to help me in parenting my son, I think this very much applies to the work we do in classrooms every single day. It’s important to let the children we work with know how valued they are and how much they are cared for and respected. There are times that adults struggle with positive things to say about the behaviors that happen every day in our classrooms or even in our homes with our own children. However, we don’t want to get into a situation where all the children hear is a report about the negative behaviors that are seen.
Children are miraculous human beings that are capable of so much good. Let’s tell them about all the good things that they are doing and can do going forward. So, the first thing on my agenda when I get home today will be to let my son Sam know how grateful I am to be his mom and compliment him on something he’s done well today. What nice thing will you share with a child to let them know just how wonderful they can be?